Sup. Since I havent posted nething, I thought I should introduce myself. Da traditional way people usually introduce themselves is fuckin boring, so ima do it by tellin yall bout bout how my last 2 or 3 weeks went regardin registerin 4 classes at SAN DIEGO STATE, da university I goto. 4rm here on out, I will refer to it as simply “state,” although SD aint a state recognized as a state by da US government. Soon, da US government wont recognize Cali as a state, seein as we got da good ol' GOVERNATOR in office. More on dat latez...
So Im already fuckin screwed cuz my registration date is fuckin 3 times as late as every other student at state, cuz ima sophomore (and single... ladies?) and sophomores get no priority cuz we're all sophisticated-morons. So im like “fuck it.” When my day comes, my day comes (I feel a song comin on...). So 5 yrs and 2 wifey's latez, my registration date comes and all da fuckin classes r all full. Da only class dat wuznt full wuz Africana Studies, so I try and snatch dat up real quik, but da fuckin comp wont let me register 4 da shit cuz they sayin I gotta get my immunization cleared up or sum shit. HELL YEA!! So day next day I wake up bright and early, grab my swimmin trunks, my suntan lotion and load my truck wit my boogie boards, da bbq grill, some towels and a cooler full of coronas, jump into da truck and go straight to da student health services building at state. As soon as I get there I see a open parking spot rite next to a construction site, rite across da street 4rm da health services building. 4rm here on out, da student health services building will be referred to as simply “the bing.” So yea, I mite get a ticket or a warning or sumthin, but fuck it! I gotta state parking permit which is more than a 100 bones every semester, and da fuckin bing is rite across da street. Besides, I don't intend on being there 4 too long. So I start walkin and some white dude driving by in a F-150 sees me and my truck and slows down, rolling down his window. HERE WE GO.
“Theyre gonna tow you. That's construction parwahwah wwah wahwah nigger wahwahwa......”
Theyre gonna tow u. Theyre gonna tow me huh, dawg? STOP FUCKIN BULLSHITTIN U DUMB MAFUCKER! THEYRE NOT GONNA TOW ME!! U'RE GONNA TOW ME!! So now I gotta move my shit to da nearest parking structure, which is like 2 blocks away. Real shit. After I make my journey from da parking structure back to da bing (a trip which required 2 nites of camping). So I go inside to da front desk and da lady sends me up stairs to see sup wit my immunization. OK, I fuckin took care of da shit 3 semesters ago when I first got into da skool. I remember dat shit too, cuz dat 3rd Helpatitty B shot almost made my arm fall off like one of them violent crash test dummies commercials where da feminine-actin dummy lites a cigarette in da other dummy's meth lab. ALWAYS WEAR UR SEATBELT! Neway, I go up to da da Helpatitty lady and she says sumthin like “Hmmm. Looks like u took one of ur Hepatitis B shots one day too early...” At dat moment my eyes popped out of my skull and hit da Helpatitty lady in da neck, killing her instantly upon impact. They ruled it a suicide. I ask da lady in da next room wut im supposta do bout a fuckin shot takin a fuckin day fuckin too fuckin early. She tells me I can either goto da fuckin doc and take da Helpatitty B shot again, or I can sign a waiver saying dat immunization shots r against my religious or personal beliefs. So I sign da waiver and now im Muslim. I havta say, da beard is growin in rather nicely. At dis point its atleast dayz after my registration date, which is 360 dayz after everyone else's. I chose to register 4 da 1 class I kno I can register 4, and try to crash as many classes I can.
Monday mornin wuz great. First thing I do is goto da advising center, figure out wut classes I needa get 4 my major (film, biatch!), and get a copy of my degree audit, so im feelin all prepared and ready to shatter some jaw. Da first class I tried to crash wuz a film class, and it wuz at like 9 or sumthin. Da class schedule says da class is open to basically everyone whose interested in takin it, and da advisor and my degree audit tells me I need to dat class to get into da major, since film is impacted and I havta audition and beg to get into da shit like lil Oliver Twist givin a lap dance. Now, when I goto da class and wait 4 da professor's lazy ass to get there and erthing he tells me dat I need to already be IN DA MAJOR to take da class. HONESTLY, dawg? I need to be in da major to take da class dat I to take to get into da major? 4shizzle.
As u can c, state is on some wholesome shit. I couldnt worry bout wut he sed and she sed at da point, cuz time wuz tickin and I had classes to crash and not gettin into dat film class fuckd up everything 4 me. So I opend up da skool class schedule and flippd to a random page, closed my eyes and put my finger on da page, and it landed on some class I had no interest in, dat wuz about to start in 15 minutes so I hada haul ass if I wanted to make it in time to crash da class I have no interest in wutsoever. So I sprinted across campus, (which 4rm wut I hear 4rm vize is huge. Bout 6 or 7 blocks long...), knocking over old ladies and people I just plain didnt like, cuz I wuz in a hurry, and I can do dat, and I crash da class. I turnd into a crashing maniac, crashin shit left in rite, until Thursday when I show up 4 da other film class I wu tryna get. Same deal, dawg. Cant take it til I've taken it. So I leave da class wit dis other surfer dude burn out, and Keenu wuz talkin bout how hes bouta graduate dis yr, and how it took him 5 yrs and how he'll needa get a job now dat he's graduating and yackedy. He gave me a little jade Buddha necklace to remember him by made of hemp and told me to “Rock on, dude!” I will alwayz remember Riptide Ted... I mean, Keenu. Neway, datz da end of dat, cuz it just goes downhill 4rm there. -Shrapnl

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